a twenty year-old soldier, deeping an escape fantasy into the wilderness of lifestyle, fashion, music, politics and the suffocation of everyday living. allow me to take my emotions and paint the world white.

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23 July 2004 @ 2:40 pm

All those were true have left me behind.

Such a confused and lonely day it was today. For the first time ever, we had to lean back and enjoy the fan for tamil lesson as I presume we've not done a single work. Sitting there and shit-chatting our lives away. English was such a fake, not only had we gota put on our mask infront of our special guest, I actually swept the whole classroom. Not to mention about recess, Huilin threw the ice at those kelings, and those kids think that I was the one who threw that cube. How could I have done that when I don't even have a cup of ice beside me? Well, I suppose they caught their scapegoat due to that of how enemy we are towards each other.
The unregconised fury: I don't really think you both should be behaving to her in such manner. Please appriciate her and understand that she's just trying to be herself. Atleast she still comes back and talk to you and not ignore you both like how you've uphold upon. If you think she mimic upon your fashion, then just be so. Cause well, it's just a small part of the situation. It's not going to destroy your case or something. Please give her that chance to be herself and STOP talking about her behind her back anymore. I don't think it's fair for her cause if you won't want someone to talk behind your backs, so should you do the same. 
The fanography: Out of the blues, I've got my first and formal MALE official fan to this ridden-emotion blog. Thank you Peng Lek for being it. I'll edit my blog almost everyday, so please visit it alright. Take care and see you in school. Hope to have some outing or something sooner. Not been out together with the rest in a long while.
A passionate verdict: Due to that of the incident between both of you and her, I've made the best dicision for myself. I'll be the loner I've been waiting to be. I don't think it's fair if you both don't like her and I still can be in your company and listening to all that words. It would be a betrayal. And to add on, I won't think it'll be right if I'm going to just switch sides and join her and forget about you both cause you've both been there for me too. So my journey begins...
The macabre truth that makes a macula: It's really not easy being me. I've not only gota cope with the temporary or maybe even permanent part from my best friend, I've gota face problem of social cohesion. I've got no chance to cohere with the group I use to be anymore. And I doubt the ladies would be my secondary choice of mixing with. It's not the same like how it would be with the guys. How much pain and suffering that comes around, I've gota lock all of them inside and face this world alone. Irrigardless of how independent I use to be, In such a situation, I'm crippled and of needing a tourniquet. Because how much I care for those, they'll just turn around me and I'll end up how I am now. I've got no fortitude in facing such an unfair life format. Gravity pulls me down in such situation and I'm unable to defend myself. I doubt i'll be able to oscillate my normal lifespand again. It's rather difficult to stand up once again. Because every day and every second of prolong muteness, my hope and everything that I've felt just lose control and dies off as fast as possible. Even how much I'll not want it to fade away, it'll just climb above me and take absolut control.